This is my letter to the world, That never wrote to me, -- The simple news that Nature told, With tender majesty. Her message is committed To hands I cannot see; For love of her, sweet countrymen, Judge tenderly of me! - emily dickinson -

Thursday, December 14, 2006

no more i love you

it's just plain lunacy. you think you know someone. you think you could trust him. you think he's just pulling you leg. then you realized that he's not joking. he's just plain nasty.

there's this guy from highschool who used to be an "all-rounder" in sports but nothing much in anything else. we never hit it off as best buds in those days but we weren't enemies either. we just played on our own turfs i suppose.

anyway, since i moved to this state, i couldn't help avoiding him since we practically work and live in the same district. and it's not that big a 'city' this place is. i couldn't ignore him even if i tried because i'm just not the type of person who does that. i'm a nice guy, okay? i met him the first time when i had to clear a mess i had with the bank that he happened to be working for. so since that day, i just couldn't say "i don't know" when someone asks "hey, how's so-and-so doing?". i can't recall how but there was that one time when i agreed to buy an insurance policy from his wife. well, i bought one before through another 'friend' but it didn't go through well. so, i thought, what the heck. why not do it again? i needed to start saving seriously since i got myself a wife already.
so, i bought a policy each for myself and me missus and since that time i really had no more excuses to avoid him. and his wife started to get more acquainted. for "business reasons" if you're starting to wonder. my wife and i were mostly delighted by their lovely daughters. the girls were mostly taken in by our overwhelming interest in them i suppose. we adore kids. we're nice folks! we began exchanging visits. well, it was Raya. we even attended their kids' nursery farewell party which surprised the daylights out of his wife (she sat some distance from us and didn't say much which was quite odd since we came all the way to cheer for their kids). i even recommended to one of my nieces to buy a policy from the wife. my niece obliged and they struct a deal. the wife was so pleased that she invited us for lunch. but we took a rain check. i personally thought that it wasn't such a big deal.

so, what was the thing that happened that just ground my beans? when i realized that this 'buddy' of mine started to pick on everything about me and around me. my renting instead of having my own house, my kitchen table, my knowledge in botany and just about everything else. i always try to avoid conflicts so i just let every jest, smirk, criticism and smart remark coming from him to just slide off to the side. but it's hard to keep a straight face when your ego or self-worth or anything personal about you is being constantly bombarded by insults.

the last time he came visiting, he brought along his wife's two younger sisters apart from his own wife and kids. the sisters were staying with them "to keep [the wife] company" since he likes to hang out with his real buddies for badminton and whatever else that menfolks here do away from their wives. then one of the sisters insisted on watching MTV alone in the living hall when everybody else was ready to eat around the dinner table. hello! and this 'girl' was already out of school and working for a telco company. i thought that she was still in school the way she look and presented herself.

and all the time my 'buddy' was remarking smartly on whatever there was that was related to me. what was going on in his brain? we're supposed to be civil. or was he trying to project me as the loser instead?


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